I'm asking you nicely.

I've never been one to cause a scene. I don't like to draw attention to myself. Ok, yes - my hair was a vivacious shade of red for a while, but that doesn't count because I thought I looked quirky and interesting. (Infinitely better than pale and interesting, in my view).

My point is that I'm still learning how to be assertive. Somewhere along the way in my distant past I had the curious notion that to assert yourself was akin to aggression. I took hold of that idea and made it my own. Nice girls don't cause any trouble. I really wanted to be a nice girl.

Fast forward a decade or two and this thinking just doesn't seem to work any more, however much I want it to. In attempting to manage my baby's unpleasant and distressing symptoms during and/or after a feed on a daily basis, I've been under the impression that somehow my experience was normal. That as long as the baby is putting on weight, everything was fine. Only it's not. It's not fine. It can't be.

I need some answers. Surely that's not unreasonable? Why is it ok for a medical professional to tell me that it could be anything? You have training. You have experience. I get that babies have a lot going on but I need you to narrow it down a little. In short, I need a diagnosis, not a brush off. Is it a milk allergy? Do I need to go dairy free? Do I need to change his formula? Do I need to break into song and insist you help me via interpretive dance? Because I may find that easier than putting on my big girl pants and telling you calmly and firmly that this really needs to be sorted out please.

Another doctor's appointment is booked for next week. Deep breath. Big girl pants at the ready.