Saturday, 3 March 2012

Everything is changing and I don't feel the same

One of the many, many things I wasn't prepared for was the tiredness.

At the beginning, the kind that hits you like a bus. The kind that induces migraines, uncontrollable sobbing and sharp words to visiting mothers who were only trying to help. Now, the kind that settles into your bones. I wonder if I will ever sleep properly again. I wonder if M will ever have a bedtime earlier than ours. I wonder if we will ever be able to watch The King's Speech from start to finish. At the moment it's only snatched episodes from Gavin & Stacey or Sean Lock's 15 Storeys High (which is brilliant by the way).

Everything from my life pre-baby seems to have changed. Not a complaint - just an observation. I used to read books. For fun. To pass the time. Now if I can get in a paragraph from the NHS Birth to Five booklet during the evening feed I consider it successful. I used to be able to dedicate a few hours, consecutively, to cleaning the house and admiring my sparkling windows/mirrors/hair. Now if anyone comes to visit I panic about the state of the hand basin. When did I last wave an all purpose wipe in its direction? Will they notice the state of the rug? Will they notice the state of me?

Everything is different and I'm just not used to it yet. I wonder if I will ever be.

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